Thursday, February 16, 2012

I'm Bad. I'm Afraid.

I haven't written here since late December. Why? Because I haven't had any really great gluten free experiences AND because I have been cheating AND I have noticed that my stomach hurts more and more when I cheat.

What makes me mad at myself is that my cheats haven't even been big ones that are really worth it. I ate Thai food for lunch last week and my meal came with a fried egg roll - and I ate it! Why did I do that? I ate a nibble of a sopapilla at a Mexican restaurant. I had a third of a cheddar biscuit at Red Lobster and then at a gluten filled apple dessert (totally worth it!).

And now I am feeling scared because I am noticing that gluten is bothering me more and more. So is soy. I made banana bread last week and put rye and kamut flakes in it because I had them leftover from a muesli I made last fall. They bothered my gut. They hadn't before. It had only been traditional wheat that bothered me. I even noticed that a beer bothered me a few weeks ago. Was it just that it was beer and carbonated? Maybe.

The real scare came this week when I had a salad with a soy ginger dressing. There was no other gluten in the meal and I hadn't eaten gluten in days. But my stomach bothered me after that, from soy sauce. I LOVE soy sauce. I love the saltiness of it. I know you can get gluten free soy sauce, and I do at home. But restaurants use regular soy sauce when making soy-based dressings. The other possibility is that it was the soy in the soy sauce that bothered me. Sigh. Really?

It is my hubby's birthday this weekend and he has plans. Like eating at Red Robin plans. I love Red Robin but being a pescetarian it is almost impossible for me to eat there without eating gluten. The veggie burger is soy and gluten based (soy protein bothers me too.) I don't eat meat or chicken so ordering one of those is out of the question. I usually go for the veggie burger with a gluten free bun or sometimes the shrimp or fish. All of those have gluten. After dinner we are going to a friend's for cake. A Costco cake! Those things are yummy, and huge! Yikes!

Sorry, I know this posting is more like a journal entry than a blog post. I just needed to get it out - my fears, frustrations and guilt. And so what will I do this weekend? Eat the gluten and pay the price the next day and then start over by being good, I hope.

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